Beto feeds Guatemalan babies; Ted eats them. Breitbart reports Stacey Abrams is Oprah and Obama’s love child. Sting video entitled Night of the Living Dems captures George Soros and MasterCard partnering to send millions of dollars to Haiti Voodoo Mambo Asogwes to raise Mexican zombies from the dead and send them to polling places throughout the United States to vote for democrats. During recess Nancy Palosi was spotted running at a fast pace along the border exclaiming, “Open borders, it’s a free concert from now on!” Geraldo Rivera announces the discovery of a tomb containing Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s birth certificate chiseled in stone. Most scholars assume her date of birth to be between 6 and 4 BC.
On the Parallel Universe of Cable News, CNN shows a Prime Time Tag Team Wrestling Match with Tami Lahren vs. Candance Owens, leading up to the Laura Ingraham and Kelleyanne Conway vs. Diamond & Silk feature bout. Sarah Huckabee Sanders takes on the Announcer duties stating “I can flip all of them!” Bets are being taken on the final lie count. Rachel announces the discovery of a series of secret love letters between Putin and Trump where Putin asks, “Who’s your Daddy?” Melania tweets I don’t care, do you? Attention Fox State News watchers! Pence is sending his 100% heterosexual “Space Force” to the Mexican border to fight the Caravan from 1,000 miles away.
Moving further out to news of the cosmos, Trump sends a Presidential Text Message to Mars shouting in all caps:
WE’RE GOING TO BUILD A WALL AROUND YOUR FAILING PLANET! BELIEVE ME!
Space Aliens observe earth from afar but when asked if they plan on visiting anytime soon they reply, “No. We follow Galactic Law and are not permitted. It seems the inhabitants of Planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles but show no signs of intelligence. They’re busy debating Coke vs. Pepsi and seem to be aiming at themselves with eyes closed, not looking behind the curtain to see who is really in control. We sent them Nikola Tesla and Madame Blavatsky to show how advanced species operate, to no avail.”
To the victor goes the spoils.
This blog post is satire (although these days reality can be stranger than fiction.)
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